A Student Life

How does a student life go? Is it always easy peasy as people imagine? Here is how student life feels for me:

1. Being tired ALL . THE . TIME . (specially those days before the finals)

5-More-MinsI’m tired. Like super tired. Coffee usually keeps me awake, but now it doesn’t work.

The other day i was working late that i forgot breakfast and lunch. I ended up filling up on a pizza for a late lunch. Yep. A full pizza. It was all the meals of the day for me. Ofcoz, it wasn’t one sitting. It took me over 2 hours to eat it. By dinner time, i wasn’t hungry. After a night class, i slept after some tea. Next morning i woke up really hungry. But the clock told me that i am gonna be late. I had four hours of classes. Without breakfast i had to rush. I bought a drink on my way, but i had no guts to drink it in public. I came home that afternoon, tired and worn out.. and starving. By then it was 24 hours since i ate. But the bed looked too comfy, and i slept. And slept… and slept.

Yeap, that’s how bad it gets sometimes. Naturally, i woke up later and had something to eat.

2. You never have any money by the end of the month

clip-art-man-with-empty-walletToday, i realized i am broke… again. I have just 20 bucks left right now. (That’s like USD 1.3). That buys me a bread. But i need some water. I guess i have to take a small loan again *sigh* Loans… I have so many loans piled up. I have been paying for my tuition fee on my own. The first year, my brother paid for me. But now i pay on my own.. ‘coz *cough* grown up and all that *cough*

These days have been a string of bad mistakes. First, i spent so much on some stuff i didn’t need. Being an undergrad student is supposed to be easy i hear. But, i have to work to earn a living. I pay bills on my own. I know, lots of others do it too. But, its scary. Being responsible and stuff.. scary.

3. Trying to find a grad school that might take me in

gty_graduation_piggy_bank_nt_130621_wmainMy brother wants me to apply for a masters degree. I feel like screaming at him that i am not even done with the bachelor’s degree! I know his heart is in the right place. His nagging made me look into it. I found a uni in NZ that offers the course that i want. It was pricey. WOW pricey! Approximately $40000. That’s like more than half a million bucks here.

*sigh* I’m gonna have to apply for a scholarship or get a student loan. The interest rates here are so high that it scares me. But lets see..

4. Say bye-bye to social life

tumblr_inline_mwohf1P37z1qjhcjaDespite being an introvert, i do have a good number of friends. It’s more like close friends. There is actually two groups that i consider being close friends with. One is kinda getting distant now. I still talk to all of them separately when ever i can. They also keep in touch. Some of them are abroad so, we only meet up annually.

Then there is my current “gang”. It’s two couples, and their two other friends, one of them’s sister, and me. We meet up almost every month. At least i try to meet them once a month. If they had it their way it would be every night. They get annoyed that i don’t hang out as often. And luckily my best-friend understands that i have to study, so she makes them .. well understanding a bit. My birthday is coming up right before my exams and possibly on the day of my final presentation. I already have threats from them to be thrown to the sea, whether i have exam or not. (Not sure if they are kidding. I hope they are kidding. I can’t swim O_O)

I love those guys. I wish i can hang out with them more often. But, sometimes there is a paper due or an exam. And for me relaxing time isn’t with friends. It’s when i’m alone in my room and resting or watching something.. ALONE. Hanging out with them is exhausting. And those nights i do hang out with them, i come home like around 1:30 AM.. and i end up being late for morning class.

5. Constantly worrying about grades 

grumpyI dunno about others. I find myself day dreaming (or day nightmare-ing) about the bad case scenarios. Like being late for my final presentation or oversleeping on the day of my finals. Or failing my final project. Or having a issue in my code while presenting my program (yeah, i do Info Tech). Or not getting 80% attendance to sit for exams. Or having an asthma attack while in the exam hall (I have a thing about using inhaler in public.. i am shy that way). Or forgetting my calculator for my stats exam. Or having the calculator on the wrong mode and finishing the exam with wrong answers. Or ALL of my pens running out of ink suddenly.

*breathe*

Now, i need a cookie or something

Things i am grateful for

Over the last five years, i have been challenged in more ways than one. During this time i have built a wall over around me, and I’ve not let people in.  ‘Coz funny enough, when i do let people in, they find a way to get scared and run off, or mock me for being who i am and worse breaking all ties with me.

Aaaaagh! Enough!

Enough with the negativity. I have been having a really negative outlook on life. To turn it all around, i’m gonna list things i am grateful for in my life.

1. For being alive and healthy (for the most part): I started having asthma attacks during my late teens. It was bad. Hospital every other week. More medicines than i could count. I hated that experience. I still have asthma. Still chronic, and i have attacks almost every day or every two days. But, i’m so much more improved compared to the past.

2. For having had the chance connected with my mother: My mother was a difficult person to talk to. She passed away almost four years ago, on a mother’s day. I was devastated obviously. But considering the difficult person she was, my time with her during her last year (from cancer diagnosis to .. death) is irreplaceable and priceless to me. I saw her fun side. We would go window shopping, just for the hell of it. I would actually sit on the floor near her chair (she had a special chair, much like Sheldon’s spot), my hand on her lap, just looking up to her as she would tell the tales of her childhood. She would let me cook for her (she NEVER let me in the kitchen before that) and she critiqued my food.. like i never expected her to (apparently it reminded her of her mother 🙂 )

3. For a best-friend for whom i owe so much to: Me and my best friend, we had a rocky relationship. We met in high school. She used me to make her less bored during her lunch break. I used her to get more friends. We fought like couples. At one point, she called me a ‘bitch’ in class, and i asked her to ‘f**k off’. Those were words neither of us use, even today. We stayed angry for ages. But.. i dunno, its been over 8 years, and we have been inseparable. We text each other for the simplest thing. She has two gorgeous boys of age 3 and 1. I couldn’t have found a better friend.

4. For every  misery i have had in the past and the more to come: ‘Coz i have realized, its the tough times that makes me a stronger person.

“When everything seems to be going against you, remember that the airplane takes off against the wind, not with it.” Henry Ford

There are many other things i am grateful for. Many other people i am grateful for having in my life. If  i am to write all those down, it could take me forever. Just for now, i am thankful 🙂 for everything in my life…